A Chinese-style funeral can be an eye-opener for someone who has never attended such a memorial. With various religious rituals, rites, and etiquette to follow, it is helpful to know what to expect as a visitor to avoid committing some faux pas and disrespecting the departed and the bereaved family.
Generally, when someone mentions a Chinese funeral, they usually refer to either a Buddhist or Taoist funeral service, as these are two of the most practised religions among the Chinese community in Singapore. Of course, as a multi-religious society, there are others who practise other faiths.
Nevertheless, regardless of the religion of the departed, many Chinese funerals typically adhere to the same etiquette rules, even if the rites and proceedings may differ accordingly. Knowing this, let us share what you should do when attending a Chinese funeral.
Before arriving at the funeral wake
Remember, a funeral service is a sombre affair, and a Chinese funeral is no different. As such, attire in neutral, monochrome hues should be the norm when attending the memorial. Colours like black, white, or muted shades are recommended. Avoid vibrant, flashy colours, especially red, as it is regarded as a colour of celebration in Chinese culture. Jewellery and revealing or distracting clothes are also a no-no, as they can be viewed as disrespectful.
Additionally, it is customary for guests to offer condolence money (known as pek kim or bai jin) to the bereaved family to help defray the cost of the funeral. Feel free to give any amount based on your personal financial ability and closeness to the bereaved family. Although the donation is generally offered in a white envelope, it is also acceptable to drop the money into the condolence money box placed at the reception table or pass it directly to a family member.
During the funeral wake
Upon arriving at the funeral service, you should offer your condolences to the bereaved family and pay your respects to the departed. For Taoist or Buddhist funerals, you will be asked to stand before the altar to offer joss sticks and to bow three times. Representatives of the bereaved family will stand by the altar and bow to you as a token of gratitude for attending the wake. If it is an open-casket funeral and you are close to the departed, you may also round the coffin to pay your respects and bid them a final farewell.
Depending on the funeral proceedings, prayer rites and chanting may be scheduled during specific times. As a visitor, you are not expected to take part in any of these rites. So, you can politely decline and choose to observe a moment of silence and bow as a general sign of respect. Regardless of your decision, the bereaved family will still appreciate the time and effort you take to attend, and they will be glad to sit and chat with you, provided they are not caught up in their duties.
Leaving the funeral wake
You can leave anytime you wish during the funeral service. Just do so quietly after informing one of the hosts and parting ways with a final condolence wish. However, avoid leaving in the middle of a rite or sermon if possible, as it can be disruptive.
If you attend a Buddhist or Taoist funeral, you may notice a container with red threads on each table. According to Chinese beliefs, tying one of these threads around your finger can help stave off bad luck or evil spirits brought about by attending a funeral. Hence, guests are recommended to tie one of them loosely around their finger and discard it before reaching home.
Other Chinese Funeral Rites You Should Know
Mourning Period: Following the death of a loved one, the bereaved family will usually observe a mourning period of between 49 and 100 days. During this time, the loved ones of the departed may continue to wear grieving colours and avoid attending celebratory events.
Cleansing: At some Chinese funerals, a basin of water mixed with pomelo leaves and/or loose flowers may be available for you to rinse your body with. It is believed that doing so before leaving the venue can cleanse away bad luck.
Burial or Cremation: Before the coffin is closed and transported away, family and friends will usually pay their last respects and bid farewell. A funeral procession will commence, led by musicians and followed by the deceased’s family members.
Common Questions About Chinese Funerals
1. Can non-Chinese individuals attend a Chinese funeral? Yes, it is completely acceptable for non-Chinese to attend Chinese funerals. However, do ensure you show respect by following customs and dressing in sombre colours. If it is inappropriate for you to participate in rituals, feel free to decline politely and offer a silent bow to pay respects to the departed.
2. What are the appropriate condolence gifts for a Chinese funeral? Common condolence gifts include monetary contributions in red envelopes. You may give flowers, fruits, and symbolic items too.
3. Is cremation or burial more common in Chinese funerals in Singapore?
Cremation has become more common due to limited burial space in Singapore. However, some families may still opt for traditional burials depending on cultural beliefs.
If you require help arranging a Chinese funeral service, feel free to reach out to our team at Excellence Funeral Services. Our funeral directors are experienced and knowledgeable about various Chinese funeral customs, rites, and etiquette. As such, we can help ensure the memorial goes as planned, taking a load off your shoulders during this trying time. Contact us today to enquire about our funeral packages.
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